OBITUARIES IN HEAVEN
If you’ve attended many funerals over the years, at least in The Episcopal Church, you have heard those familiar words from the first section of today’s gospel reading from the fourteenth chapter of St. John. Of course, I liked it better when we said, “in my Father’s house are many mansions, as opposed to “dwelling places”. “Dwelling places” sounds so sterile, almost any empty space, whereas “mansions” conjures up splendor and interesting treasurers to discover. But I suppose that’s a personal prejudice of mine.
On the topic of funerals, however, I am willing to beT that I am not the only person here today who reads the obituaries in the newspaper with regularity. I won’t quite say that I relish the experience, but most mornings of the week during breakfast I find myself searching out the obituary page which sometimes ends up smeared with butter or stained with coffee as I try to do two things at once. But I almost always manage give it at least a casual scan, if not an often careful read.
Now I could tell you that I am conscientious because, as a religious leader, I really need to know who has passed from this into the next. And perhaps that is a good reason. But in my heart of hearts I know that it is not the real reason I read the death notices. The real reason is much less noble, but perhaps somewhat understandable.
Until comparatively recently, the obituaries that appeared in most newspapers were written either by funeral directors or by a staff member at the local paper. And the composition almost always followed a more-or-less predictable, fairly sparsely written pattern which contained the basics of a person’s life, perhaps career accomplishments, and information about surviving relatives along with the plans for the funeral. I was glad to note that my mother’s obituary followed very much this pattern of straight-forward, “just the facts” type of reporting with no embellishment. I had a feeling that she had probably approved the content of it long ago.
The recent trend of family-written very “custom made” obituaries frequently makes a wonderful form of entertainment. Even The New York Times, the old “grey lady” as she was once called, was proper, even relatively subdued in what it published in the death notice column. But no more! Today we read – without blushing – how brilliant, loving, caring, devoted to individual pets (often listed by name), family, children, community and even sometimes the church, the local fire department, or the ASCPCA the deceased was. Candidly some of this is in such questionable taste to the point that I wonder if the deceased would recognize himself or herself from the description of character which appears for all the world to see.
Better yet, of course, since we are speaking of “Our Father’s House”, I wonder just how such overblown final tributes are received in heaven. God must spend a great deal of time guffawing, giggling, and shoving the angels in the ribs while asking, “Do we even have anyone half that silly up here?!!”
The point of this minor diatribe of mine is the reminder that God does not see us as others do or even, sometimes, as we see ourselves. God sees us for what we are: sometimes vain, weak, wounded, pride-filled, angry, searching and at others charitable, forgiving, generous, believing, maybe even humble. Simply put, most of us are not one-dimensional entities, either all-good or all-bad. Most of the custom-written obituaries try to make a person look “all good”, as if there were no character failings, failure at relationships, or simply selfish or nasty behavior in the person’s make-up. And it is this vain attempt to put a good face on often bad facts that makes most of these “final tributes” so silly.
In a different vein the local news coverage has been saturated with the visit of Pope Benedict XVI to Washington, D.C. and to the New York metro area. And (surprise, surprise) much of the so-called in-depth analysis, both in print and from the “talking heads” on television, has been that perhaps this man is not as “one dimensional” as he has often been portrayed by the media: that he is a complex person, highly intelligent, definitely conservative, somewhat shy in temperament, with a nicely defined sense of humor and a genuine dose of humility mixed in as well. Imagine that! Benedict is a real human being and is a mix of talents, abilities, temperaments and feelings. Imagine that!
There is an often-jarring dissonance to the way people want themselves portrayed or remembered and the reality of who and what they have been in this life. Thankfully none of us will be evaluated and stand before the throne of grace based upon what was written by over-eager family members or, if we attain some notoriety, by the news media. God sees well beyond the superficial values of our society and the times in which we live. That’s the good news.
But there is also more sobering news to accompany the good news, something which balances the incorrect assumption that God loves us and forgives no matter how we’ve behaved with the implicit assumption that even our worst, most uncharitable behavior isn’t really all that bad. The whole issue of “accountability”, so unattractive in today’s culture, is often completely ignored.
Christians claim an exclusive relationship with God through Jesus Christ. William Willimon reflects on that relationship in this way:
That “no one comes [to the Father]…except through me” has troubled some sensitive souls. It sounds arrogant. Is Jesus the one and only way? Hasn’t that attitude done much damage around the world as Christ’s followers have gone about insisting that that everyone else ought to give up their religious ways and accept our one and only way?…
Trouble is, if Christ is not the definite way to God then what is your definite way to God? If you take Jesus off the throne, you will probably put someone or something else in his place. All religious ideas are not the same. There are deep differences between Jesus and other major religious figures. 1
And one of those differences is that Jesus is your – and my – Savior, but that he will also be your – and my own – judge. And, in the end, in our Father’s house, he will be the One who writes the obituary. He will be the One who reads the obituary. He will be the One who publishes the obituary. He will be the One who determines the dimensions of our character, of our lives.
I have watched with interest as the large – and small – pieces of stone have been hoisted almost twenty stories into the air as the spire of this Cathedral is reassembled. At times there is a lot of dust and drilling taking place as old stone is repaired and new stone is cut and crafted to fit into what seems to me a massive puzzle of pieces.
It reminds me of what happens to us in life here. Some of the experiences we have are challenging, painful, even debilitating. It is a rare day in my life as a priest that I am not called upon to share the burdens and suffering experienced by good Christian people. I suppose the question which arises, in one form or another is, “Why do I have to suffer like this? Why does someone I love have to suffer like this? What possible good can there be in any of it?”
While I have no definitive, one-size-fits-all answer for such a searching, heart-felt question, I do liken suffering to a type of preparation for what comes next. The stone is cut, crafted, to fit into the Cathedral spire, to make it an enduring part of the fabric of the building. Perhaps, in a similar manner, we are crafted, shaped, by these experiences so that we will fit well, be prepared for, our place in the Father’s house.
My advice to all of us, to myself as much as to anyone else, is to leave the glowing, flattering, self-satisfying descriptions out of what is written about us. Jesus will supply the descriptive adjectives. He will see us for what we really and truly are. And he will love us and, if we truly seek the truth in him, he will make us holier in this life so that we will be happier in the next life, better prepared for the joys awaiting us in our Father’s house.
The Ven. Theodore W.Bean, Jr.
Provost
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1 Pulpit Resource, Vol. 36, No. 2, page 15.
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